drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
