I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
