the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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