He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize