It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My ass is underappreciated
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
