Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
