so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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