I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
