uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize