Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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