just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's get the cat blown out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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