it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
