I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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