Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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