I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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