I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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