youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
