Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
