the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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