so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
