i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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