we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
