I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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