Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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