I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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