All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
