Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
