Ambien. No doubt about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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