he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
