We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Soap is not a condiment
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
