this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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