were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
