Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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