just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
