I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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