This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
