oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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