The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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