Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
