Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can Purell be used as lube?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
