Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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