So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
