My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize