Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
