looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
