I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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