well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
