I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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