It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
