woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
