If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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