I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
