She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
