I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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