i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
