i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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