So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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