the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
