she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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