Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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