you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
