forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
