Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
