btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
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