Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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