Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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