What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
