I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
