My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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