we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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