Cold hands, warm shart.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
