literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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