even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
