Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
