we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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