WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
