talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize