The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
where am i from again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
