If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
