she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
