idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
