I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
