I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
