I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
