jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
