I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
